An Extra Dose of Benadryl Never Hurt Anyone, and Other Stellar Parenting Advice

There is nothing as terrifying
and exquisite
as a brand-new baby.

Rivers of oxytocin course through my limbic system.
I feel nearly manic
with serenity and love.

I am scared all the time.

My older sister, however,
is a medical professional
and a mother
and she has the answer to any question
I might possibly have to ask.

So on the eve of a six-hour drive to our very first vacation,
I naturally inquire of my sister
any methods she employs
for calming bored children in distressing situations.

“An extra dose of Benadryl,” she says, “never hurt anyone.”

This is the woman
who will only shop at Whole Foods
and who adheres like a fanatic
to the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Although I end up choosing
not to sedate my baby with diphenhydramine hydrochloride,
it gets me thinking about other stellar parenting advice
I have been gifted since I gave birth.

“They’ll eat if they get hungry enough,” everyone believes,
although that will not apply years in the future
when my baby will be diagnosed
with Autism Spectrum Disorder
and would rather starve
than eat food which irritates his senses.

“Spare the rod and spoil the child,”
wrote Samuel Butler back in 1663,
but hurt people hurt people
and intergenerational trauma always tends
to circle back around.

My German grandmother used to say
that children should be seen not heard,
but have you been around children?
They are fucking loud.

“Here’s how to get your pre-baby body back,”
advises every website and blog post ever,
but your body is the last thing you are worried about
when your intrusive thoughts are informing you
that you are about to break your baby.

And everyone knows to sleep when the baby sleeps,
but no one thinks to tell you
that babies usually don’t fucking sleep.
And then they say
to be sure to “ask for help;”
“it takes a village,” they say,
“to raise a child.”

But everyone in our village
has kids and jobs and stressors, too,
and there is very little bandwidth
for anyone but me
to keep the house clean
and keep the baby alive.

Mothers are always told
not to judge each other’s parenting; “not until you walk a mile in her shoes.”
But the world has always judged women,
without offering any support,
so is it any wonder we turn on each other?

There’s a million different aphorisms
the world bestows upon new parents.
Occasionally they help; occasionally they actually apply.

But every child is different, no day is ever the same;
and it turns out the only necessary constant
is love.

So though it might seem
to run counter to popular option,
the fact is that the truth remains…
an extra dose of Benadryl never hurt anyone.