Jennifer versus Climate Change

I’m palpating tomatoes at the farmer’s market
and I turn to Jennifer who I haven’t seen
since the remnant of Hurricane Ida hit
and I say to her: How’s the basement?
knowing that ten inches of rain in four hours
caused her hundred year old sewer pipes
to burst, leaving six inches of raw sewage
in her basement and she has two kids, a dog,
and doesn’t wanna talk about it. Well,
she says, my garden survived but my
tomatoes don’t look as nice as these do.
Yeah, I say, I guess you got lucky.
Well, when I called the plumbing
people or whatever they said the whole town
has the same problem and there’s a waitlist
and I’m like it’s not admissions at Princeton,
can’t it go any faster? And they’re like
No, it can’t and it’s gonna be six weeks
at least and can we have your cell number.
No, I said, and hung up. So is the water
still in your basement? Well, she says, I
have two kids and a dog and I couldn’t
let six inches of raw sewage sit for six weeks.
No, so what didja do? Well, she says,
I called around--look at how nice this
muzzarell’ is--and I found some people
who’d come over right away. What kind
of people, I said. I thought the pros were
all busy. Listen, she said, they came right
away and it was a team of nice guys
who pumped the sewage and tore down

and washed the floor with bleach and
stank up the whole house but it was clean.
Nice, I say. So no trouble after all.
Well, I felt bad because their boss
didn’t give them any protection
so I went to Costco and got rubber gloves
and bottled water and I made sandwiches
which was the least I could do, really.
So you called the Mob, I say.
I did not call the Mob, she says.
All the pros were busy and you called
and got a team of nice guys but
they didn’t have any gear or lunch
and they came over right away for a price
much lower than the 27,000 dollars
you expected to pay with the first people
so you hired the Mob. Well, she says,
it wasn’t really the Mob, it was like
Mob-adjacent. You mean like Tony
Soprano was garbage-adjacent? That family
lived over in West Caldwell, you know.
It wasn’t really the Mob she says ‘n’ anyway
the kids are fine but we have to replace
all the drywall and it’ll be a while before
we can use the basement again but at least
the garden survived and I made sandwiches.